Well I’m back to it, back to the 5.15am wake ups and the 9pm returns home. It’s not been easy getting back into the routine and after two 12 hour shifts, I am exhausted!! It’s hardly surprising after having two weeks of rest, and even a little relaxation.
The Husband and I are really lucky to own a timeshare in beautiful Mid-Wales, I’ve been going to the same spot every year since I was born for the week before Christmas and to me, Christmas doesn’t start until we’ve been there. We always have a good time but in comparison to last year where Little Man couldn’t walk yet and also had Chicken Pox, this year was extra special. We were able to make use of the swimming pool almost every day and with the use of his newly acquired pink armbands, he was able to let go of us and ‘swim’. He also shared our love of the onsite pub during the week, mostly due to the fact that we let him eat Bombay Mix (minus the nuts) which he has developed quite a taste for! We made a special trip to see Santa on the train and I even managed to squeeze in a massage in the Spa (heaven!). The Husband was my hero as he took Little Man downstairs some mornings and let me catch an extra hour of sleep and BOY did I need it!! We also managed some walks on the beach which may sound a little nuts in December, but I still feel like Winter is the very best time to visit. It’s so quiet and because it’s out of season, our family dog, Archie can join us too. We came home on Christmas Eve and the following days were spent eating delicious food and spending time with a lot of our favourite family and friends.
If you follow me on Instagram you may have seen my post about how Little Man and I had our plans between Christmas and New Year thwarted after my poor in-laws were hit with a horrible virus which knocked them out of action. I was pretty upset, mostly as it meant no evenings with the husband but I tried to see the positive…3 full days of just me and Little Man! Okay, I wasn’t THAT positive, I was actually a little terrified. I know there are people out there who parent on their own 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and they are truly, superheroes. But I’m just so used to sharing some of the responsibility of parenting with The Husband or my parents, that 3 days with Little Man seemed like a mammoth task. Now, I’m not going to claim that we didn’t have a single cross word or that I didn’t spend a good half an hour trying to wrestle him into his winter coat every day when he was desperate to go for a walk, BUT, we did it. I was pleased to see the Husband when he arrived on the Friday evening but I actually really enjoyed Little Man’s company. He is growing into such a beautiful little soul, headstrong and self assured and it made me proud to know that I contribute to that. Not sure the rest of the family are so keen on him inheriting my ‘Headstrong Gene’ but I know it will put him in good stead as an adult as long as we teach him that in some circumstances, his strong will does need to be reined in a little!
So everything was really lovely and then, it happened. On Monday night as I packed my bags ready to go back to placement, that pesky beast that is ‘Mum Guilt’ smacked me right between the eyes. I felt truly awful that I was going off to ‘work’ for 2 days, meaning I’d miss his first nursery drop off of the year, countless opportunities to read one of his 50 (yes, 50!) Thomas the Tank Engine books and my favourite time of the day, our pre-bed cwtch. I have to keep reminding myself why I am doing this and I have to keep steering my mind clear of the thoughts that I am being selfish for wanting to have a career. I then get cross to think that as mothers we should even have to consider this desire to have a career as selfish. It’s the damn ‘Mum Guilt’ that is so engrained in us, rearing it’s ugly, fat, face again. It’s not fair. I am lucky to be a Godmother to 3 beautiful little girls and if they chose to have children of their own, I hope I can give them the support and confidence in their abilities to follow a career and be wonderful mothers too, without this stupid guilt hanging over their heads.
One of the lovely ladies in the super Girl Gang that I am a part of (aka The 6am Club) shared this post from Hurrah for Gin, that sums up this stupid Mum Guilt perfectly, so if you fancy a giggle, go have a read of THIS.
Anyways, I must love and leave you all as TECHNICALLY, I am supposed to be doing Uni work, but my excuse is that this has warmed up the writing part of my brain that was in hibernation for a little while! I hope everyone else had a super Christmas and New Year and if you have any tips for keeping the Mum Guilt at bay, do get in touch, I’d love to hear from you!