Sorry for the quiet everyone. I had a couple of tough weeks. It felt like everything was spinning out of control, away from me. It all ended in a big, messy meltdown where I sobbed to an unsuspecting employee of the University who could not have been more calm, caring and compassionate.
I hadn’t realised, but I had been trying to keep a lid on the stress I was experiencing. It’s a bit of an overused analogy but I really was like a swan on the water, going about my daily life ‘coping’ but underneath it all I was crumbling and desperately trying to hold it together. And then I snapped.
Little Man decided he definitely didn’t want to wear his socks or in fact, any of his uniform and ran off like a greyhound around a race track as soon I got within a metre of him with aforementioned uniform. And so I lost it. I shouted, I cried and I begged him to just behave. But when I look back, I realise Little Man wasn’t REALLY the reason for my stress and it wasn’t him I was REALLY cross with.
I had an essay due in the following week, whose conclusion I had been battling with for days and things with the Husband had been tough. This whole living apart thing is a struggle sometimes. We have to fit in to a weekend, everything that your average couple skips over during the week. The things I took for granted, like sharing little daily stories about his work and my lectures and all the boring stuff we have to sort as grown ups like Car Services and when we’re going to squeeze in visits to the extended family. And of course, some nights I would just like to cuddle up on the sofa and not say anything at all. I know that we’re strong enough as a couple to get through this adventure but that doesn’t make it easy!
SO, as there’s not a fat lot The Husband and I can do about living under the same roof, unless someone wants to buys us a house, I decided to try and fix what I can, me! So thanks to my wonderful Uni I have joined a meditation class for free and although I’m only one class in, I feel SO much better. I’m sure part of that is just having my meltdown and recognising I need to spend more time on myself but the meditation definitely helped too.
So I am a week and a half into my month of solo-parenting whilst my lovely parents swan about in sunny Spain and although it’s not been easy, I am trying my very best to at least acknowledge the things stressing me out and if I can, try and fix them. And the emergency chocolates I bought have remained untouched which I think speaks volumes!!
I have some plans for the blog which I hope to sort out in the next couple of weeks and will try and keep you posted more often.
Hope everyone has been keeping well in my absence and you’ve all been enjoying this gorgeous weather we’ve been having. Today was my final taught lecture of the first year, how did that happen?!? And on that note, I have some studying to do…
The Uni Mummy, over&out x